Last Hoorah!! and then SPLAT, right on my face!

I have the most amazing people in my life. Last night a group of those who mean the most to me went out with me for my last hoorah before the dreaded liquid diet starts and a new life begins.  I had a blast, of course I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm the one that matters right :0).  I met my aunt and uncle, and a few friends, at a creepy little bar to listen to an amazing local Bluegrass band.  Totally worth the creepy bar.  If you like Bluegrass check out the Whiskey Bent Valley Boys.   Anyway, my uncle and I are pretty close, and I walked into the bar and he said "we need to talk."  The first thing I said to him was if he was going to lecture me that we didn't need to talk.  I didn't get a lecture...He just wanted to make sure I was happy and comfortable with my decision.  When I said YES, I got a big hug and "I'm proud of you."  Perfect way to start a perfect night. 

You know what goes great with Bluegrass?  BOURBON!!!  Are my Kentucky roots showing?  Yes, bourbon and I were great friends last night.  I then met the rest of the crew at another local bar.  My cousins are some of my best friends and they were there in droves (there's lots of them as I'm from a big Italian-Catholic family).  An old friend crawled out of the woodwork to come see me and it brought me to tears.  We've had our ups and downs, but he's always been one of my biggest supporters.  My best friend from work came for the whole night, Bluegrass and all.  It's so great to hang out outside of the grind of the cubicles.  Poppet made an exception to stay out late even though this morning was church, and another friend put the babies to bed and came out.  He timed it perfectly so he would be home before the youngest (1 month) woke up for her feeding.  Amazing for people to work around their lives for me!!!  I was on a high last night to say the least. 

Here's a picture that was taken of me when I wasn't aware.  I was talking to them through a break in the glass...I'm not sure all those lumps and bumps are my coat.  Thank God surgery's only a couple weeks away.

So then SPLAT this morning.  As you can imagine I was pretty intoxicated last night, duh!  Poppet drove me to his apartment, I spent the night there, his alarm went off a billion times at the ass-crack of dawn and I was the only one that heard it for an hour...GRRRRR.  I'm hungover, and he has the most irritating alarm known to man.  No SPLAT yet, I know you're waiting for it.  He finally gets up, no more alarm, PRAISE THE LORD!  We talk for a while until he has to get ready for church and there's a phone call from a mutual friend he goes to church with asking if I'm still there and the phone shouldn't be on speaker...almost SPLAT, but not yet.  Then the conversation continues about what has to be hidden from me, hmmmmm.  Best friends and secrets don't mix.  He tells me, and SPLAT.  Figurative slap in the face.  Argument ensues.  Tears follow, I turn my back to him while he's talking (ohhh so rude, I know).  I storm out in tears, race off in my car and just drive the longest way home I know how.  I feel like shit.  I have no more tears left.  Arguing with him is the worse feeling ever, and it happens so rarely that it freaks me out.  Things always seem strained after an argument, like a friendship has to be rebuilt.  I know this is not true, otherwise it wouldn't be such a long lasting friendship, but goodness this sucks.  I'm a fixer and I want to make everything right, but I know I can't do that alone this time.  While I didn't say anything I didn't mean, I didn't say it in an appropriate situation.  I have let a lot of shit build up on me for a long time, and letting it all out right now doesn't feel much better.  But keeping it in wasn't working for me either, it was crushing me, messing with my head.  Catch 22 I suppose.  I know he is going to read this because I asked him to read another post, and I hope it doesn't piss him off.  But if it does, all I can say is what I tell you often, this is my reality.  It doesn't matter how it is from another prospective, I can look at it through someone else's eyes, but in the end, my reality is what is my life. 

I have a lot of work to do.  I hold onto things because there's never a right time to say how I feel or what I want, but lesson learned, I need to make time before it rushes out like a flood and overwhelms someone else.  Is that where this compulsiveness comes from?  Does anyone else go through this?  I have been sitting here typing various things for two hours so I'm not rooting through the kitchen, and I have no idea if anyone is going to read this, but holy crap, know if you do, I thank you.