Biggest Loser

So I vowed that I wasn't a Biggest Loser watcher after the first couple of seasons, but for some reason today the remote found it's way to NBC.  Lucky for me it's the season premiere.  Watching the first half of this show has really brought out some emotions in me...some good and some not so good. 

So I guess first I have to say that my appointment with Dr. Geller is now set.  I meeting with him at 9a on Tuesday January 18th.  So, yes, this is becoming real and not just a dream.

Ok, back to Biggest Loser.  I watched the weigh-ins, especially for the women, and I thought to myself that I don't look that big, then they step on the scale, and yes, I am that big and bigger.

I see these teams and how they push and encourage each other along in the challenge.  They came to the game with no one but their partner.  I'm not sure I could be successful that way...I'm blessed in that I have so much encouragement - from the support team I met at the bariatric center, to my family, to the select group of friends I have chosen to tell already.  I wasn't really sure what kind of reaction I'd get, and while I got some reactions that weren't ecstatic in my decision, there isn't anyone against my decision.  The best reaction was from my Cat in Lexington.  I will hold on to her reaction forever because it made my heart happy.  I can't explain the excitement I heard in her voice when I told her, and then the tears began.  Even though I'm just in the beginning stages, she has called and asked about every step.  She is gathering tips for me on how to be successful from others she knows that have started this journey before me.  I feel like she's my biggest cheerleader.  Come to think of it, in everything, Cat's been by my side even though she lives almost 100 miles away - she's laughed with me and cried with me and has never asked for anything in return.  Crazy analogy, but Cat is my clear nail polish.  I can't always see her, but the strength she provides is always with me.  Cat - I am blessed to have you in my life, I am honored you and Jerod chose me to be Madeline's godmother, and I am eternally grateful for your friendship these past 14 years. 

Other than my mom, I was so nervous to tell one particular person...I can't really justify why I was so nervous other than she was by my side when I thought that this extra tool was a cop-out to diet and exercise.  Don't get me wrong, I was successful with diet and exercise, and she cheered me on everyday and in every way.  But I was too caught up on the end game, and not what I had to do to get there.  Because I wasn't taking one day at a time, I got frustrated and I lost focus, and when I lose focus I can't finish what I've started.  So I call, and tell her point blank that this is the decision I've made.  I have no idea why I thought I wouldn't have her support because that assumption was totally wrong.  Dr. Susan, I've got my focus back and I didn't realize how much I was crying out for help.  I've asked for help and it's a relief.  I can't imagine how hard it is to watch a friend do what I've done to my body and know from a medical brain what I'm really doing to myself.  I guess I'm thinking of the band as a tool to remind me of where my focus is when I lose sight of it.  I've got until June I think until you move on, but know after you find your new destination that I want to share my victories with you...this blog might be my way to do it.

Ok, I think it's past bedtime for me...