So long, farwell...

I have been smoke free since November 22nd.  This is a letter that I wrote to cigarettes.  Note sure what compelled me to write a letter to an object, but really it was my final goodbye.  I knew I had to be smoke free for 30 days before I would be able to have the surgery.  I'm not sure if it's because I want surgery more than I want to smoke, or if it's just because I was finally ready.  Regardless of what the reason is, I'm not going to question it this time.  I'm rolling with it!! 

Dear Old "Friend" -

The time has finally come for me to say goodbye. It has taken way to long, but I have finally come to the realization that you need to go...much like a certain man in my life, from the start I knew you were bad for me, but yet I still hung on. The irony of it all, I made a huge decision about him, deleted all aspects of him from my life, and a week later, I'm compelled, driven even to have you out of my life.

Don't get me wrong, I know you've had a strong hold on me for a while (13 years to be exact), but I have news for you...I'm a strong woman. I know you're going to try to tell me that I need you...you're going to be that 'skeeter that just won't go away...I'm prepared, so don't think you'll break me. I'm not saying it'll be easy, but nothing ever is.

Not sure if you've noticed, but it's getting cold outside. I won't miss rolling down the car window in freezing weather, nor will I miss bundling up to go outside just to take a break with you. I won't miss your smell. I won't miss the mess you make in my car or my house...and most of all, I won't miss the money you take out of my bank account each and every day.

Like I said, cutting an "old friend" out of my life is a struggle, but there's more I want than you. You stand between me and so many things in life that I desire to have and be; therefore you have to go - once and for all, I know I've tried before, but the third times a charm.

So it is without sadness that I say goodbye cigarettes. You are no longer a part of me.

And so it begins...

I guess you could say that I've begun the journey of a lifetime.  I've known for a long time that I've needed help, and today I found the courage to ask for it.  I am excited and nervous, and most importantly hopeful and confident in the decision that I've made,  a decision that I will have with me forever. 

Mentally and physically, I'm going to work harder on myself than I've ever worked before.  I know there will be times of huge accomplishment and times of frustration.  I have all the resources on my side, everything I need at my fingertips to make me successful. 

I've mentioned to some close to me that this decision has been in my head and on my heart, and one question presented to me by someone I trust with everything was "what makes this time different?"  My response was simple.  "I can't tell you how it's different this time, it just is."  I have never been so sure of anything before - I'm sure I'm saving my life.  (See the illustration.  It makes me uncomfortable to look at it, but it should.)

(Ps - part of having this procedure is being a non-smoker.  I am proud, rather OVERJOYED, to say that I have been cigarette free since November 22nd.  KW - this is different too, I can't explain it, but I'm not going to question it.)  I wrote a letter to the cigarettes randomly after I quit.  Maybe I'll post it this weekend, 'cause it was a good one. 

So without further adieu, here's my big news.  Today at 10 am this morning, I battled the ice layer over the city to began the pre-surgical education process for a gastric banding procedure.  Here's a picture of what my tummy will look like after all is said and done (after the first of the year). 

There's my news...I'm ready to work.  The tools are in place, I just have to learn how to use them.  I did a lot of research on which surgical facility I wanted to use, and I'll save why I chose the one I did for a later time.  Just know I'm in good hands!!